The Struggle Within
by Laliel
Summary: Obi-wanSiri As Obi-wan Kenobi contemplates his past life as well as new wounds, he finds a strange emotion inside him concerning Siri Tachi. Takes place before AOTC.


_This is the first time I have ever written a Star Wars story. The characters do not belong to me but to George Lucas, Lucas Films Ltd., and Jude Watson. I am just borrowing them for a short while. Plus, this story takes place after the latest Jedi Quest book: The Final Showdown. If you have not read it yet, go to the nearest Borders, they'll have it in stock ;D._

**_The Struggle Within:_** **Chapter One; Old Memories, New Emotions**

Obi-wan Kenobi sat cross legged on one of the round cushions in the meditation room. The various hues of pastel blue and green soothed his senses and made him empty his mind of thoughts. Then, he would find a memory filed away inside himself and bring up recent or past events. He remembered his brother, Owen, sharing a piece of blumfruit with him, his first days at the Temple, being made an apprentice to master Jinn, and holding his master while the last life force drained from him. Each one triggered an emotion: Happiness, joy, sorrow, and healing. Obi-wan shifted slightly, recalling the last sorrows that had occurred in his life.

Darra, always full of life and light, gone. She had become one with the Force while he and Anakin had finished Granta Omega, once and for all. They had come back up the passageway to find Soara leaning over her padawan's lifeless body, tears streaming down the strong Jedi Knight's cheeks. And as all looked on, she had reached over and gently unwoven Darra's braid to take the small strip of shiny cloth that was always threaded through it.

And Ferus, a bright student, full of promise and hope, deserting the Jedi. During the battle against the Sith he had tossed his lightsaber to Tru Veld, for the other Padawans' had been short on power. In an attempt to save Ferus's life while his defences were down, Darra had leaped in front of him, taking a two blaster wounds in her chest. Although many tried to tell him that her death was not blamed on him, the young man made a fatal decision. For at the beginning of the mission, the Council had decided to speed up the trails so that they might have another Jedi Knight, and Ferus had been picked. But now, Ferus Olin had announced that he was leaving the Order, for no apparant reason other than Darra's death.

Obi-wan knew that something had happened between his Padawan and Siri's on that mission. Something that could not be mended. Whatever it was, Anakin would not go to his master for confidence. Instead he avoided him and all others, waiting perhaps, for a second chance at trying to make peace with the former Jedi, as well as Tru Veld.

Another wave of uncertainty washed over him as he thought of the first Learner to become Anakin's friend. Tru always had been smart, and rarely ever held grudges against his friends' mistakes. But now, he seemed distant and on edge, like something about to explode out of anger. Day after day, Obi-wan had waited to see them together again, but it was always the same. If Tru saw Anakin he would give him a cold glare, and leave the room. And for his part, Anakin didn't seem to want to renew his friendship.

Obi-wan has also suffered on the mission, as they all had. Eight Jedi had left, seven had returned alive. Although, to most of the Order, it seemed that none had come back completely.They all reacted differently to the loss: Ry-Gaul spent more time with his Padawan than before, Soara stayed in her room mourning, and Siri, like before, remained by herself. Obi-wan pulled his mind to the present and allowed the sounds of the Temple to fill him.

The sounds of feet pattering outside and the soft clicks of doors reminded him of the water gushing through the caves on Ragoon 6. He also remembered Anakin's mistake there, it had almost cost them their lives by venturing into the cave. But they had also made two new friends there, Floria and Dane, a brother/sister bounty hunting team. Always arguing, always goofing off, and hopefully still alive. He knew the Galaxy wasn't kind to orphans...especially ones with criminal records. That training exercise had turned into a mission, with one of the first encounters with Granta Omega the Jedi had. Obi-wan straightened his back and opened his eyes. He could not find his center of calm.

The door swished open and soft footsteps came close to where he sat. A cool hand touched his shoulder and allowed him to reach and clasp it gently. "Obi-wan Kenobi, you are the only Jedi master I know who could sit for hours on end, dwelling on who-knows-what while your Apprentice needs you." Siri Tachi settled next to him and turned his face to meet her strong gaze. He shook his head slowly. "Siri, if there is one thing I learned from Qui-gon, it's to leave him alone." She rolled her eyes at him and gave a gentle sigh. "Maybe, just maybe, he needs to hear from you...now." His eyes flitted down then back up to her, it seemed that within seconds they were Padawans again, wondering about the future with their masters, and Siri was back to her old ways.

Obi-wan's voice was sad as he asked: "If I hadn't been fighting Omega, do you think we might have saved her?" Siri looked sternly at him. "You know better then to say "if" Master Kenobi, and also to dwell on the past." He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "But because you look so forlorn I'll answer," She gave a slight pause before continuing "No, there was nothing you or anyone else could have done for her." He decided to invade that sense of calm that masked her thoughts. "Then how are you about Ferus?" Siri gave a small sigh and straightened her tunic. "When he told me, I was surprised, but not shocked...Obi-wan...what are the chances of a Jedi falling in love?"

He gave a careful study of her face before answering. "Well, during these days, fairly good. We seem to need someone to cling to during this time of unrest...but you remember the code" They recited it in unison. "Possesion is forbidden." She looked grimly at him. "You know how fond he was of Darra and I think Ferus may have, well, you know...loved her." "Well, that isn't surprising either." He murmered. She nodded and touched his cheek, ever so gently, but it seemed to both that a pulsing fire burned all throughout it. "Yeah, nothing real shocking, is it?" Obi-wan gave her a sad half-smile and noted something wistful in her voice as she pulled her hand back. "No, not at all." He stirred before finishing. "Siri, you know that in hard times Jedi may comfort one another..." She glanced at him while he continued. "but there is something deeper that I want... and cannot have." Siri leaned forward and grasped his hands. "I am willing to make that step forward." Her voice wavered slightly as she said it. "Then let us do that together." He slid off the seat and helped Siri up. Then with hands held together they each took a step forward. He turned and peered into her face.

For a moment there was no fear, hurt, and guilt in the deep blue of her eyes. Obi-wan took that instant to lean down and briefly touch his lips to hers. Siri brushed her fingertips across his forehead. She pulled away and stood beside him, her mouth stilltingled from the touch, and the Force seemed to flow throughtout her in a glowing light. He placed his arms about her and allowed Siri to lean against him, gathering courage from his strength.

Obi-wan, in that instant, remembered something about Qui-gon and Tahl. His master had spoken to her alone and they had both changed when he saw them come out. His master, like himself, had fallen in love with a fellow Jedi Knight, and although forbidden, he knew that now, after that kiss, he and Siri could not go back. The one thing he now thought was: "I understand that private area in your life now, Qui-gon, I was foolish not to have seen it, but now I understand..." And he and Siri both knew that whatever would befall them in the future, they would face it with equel bravery...together.


End file.
